Worship or Worry

Worship and worry cannot exist in the same heart.
-Ruth Grahman

Last week, I chose worry. I felt no relief from my regret and confusion. It just grew with every fleeting fearful thought.

This weekend, I chose worship. Peace washed in like a tsunami! Calming...NO, casting out my "what if's?" Words can't capture it's fullness. But today, I'm choosing worship because it works.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."   Philippians 4:5-7

Catching Up is the Hardest Part

I just returned from the Holy Land. It was my 2nd time to go & one would think that once was enough, but I must admit that I'm addicted to the place! It was such a relief to temporarily set my responsibilities aside & just have fun! Now don't misinterpret me, it's not a restful vacation physically. I certainly got my calorie burn each day.

Nathan & I in Petra

I'm grateful for the incredible opportunity to return. It was like coming home from college during holiday day break. The excitement is like no other! Tiberas holds a very special place in my heart; I don't know what my future looks like, but someday I hope Tiberas is in it. 

The hardest part now is catching back up with reality & life as I knew it before I left. School, midterms, short nights-long days, work.....the list could certainly be drawn out. I will resist though. If I didnt' catch anything this trip, it's that Jesus has taken every step I have, He's felt every emotion, every victory and ever sorrow. 

"When my heart is overwhelmed,

lead me to the ROCK that is higher than I."

                                           Ps. 6:1-2

Looking Out over the Sea of Galilee

2 Bleeding Ulcers!

At the beginning of this year, I felt challenged to temporarily give up some small things in my life. Nothing major, right? Right! Well, I'm just 7 months into this "challenge" I have been diagnosed with 2 bleeding ulcers.

I've been on a liquid diet for about a month now. Ugh...awful right?! Honestly, after the inital desire of just wanting to chew food went away I became completely satisfied with having something on my stomach. Avocado's, butternut squash (pureed), goat milk, ice cream, mango, yogurt, & broth--that's my list of CAN's!

Being the researcher I am, I've discovered a lot about ulcers: how they occur, what irritates them, how to care for yourself to ensure your stomach heals properly. Google is an amazing tool! :)

I didn't realize how serious my condition was until my body literally started screaming at me with drastic measures.

I wonder how many times I've done that emotionally. Spiritually. Relationally. Have a weakness, an area that screams at me to be improved. Does it eat away creating bitterness, fear, and even push me to act out? Like an ulcer, the more damage I do the worse it gets. The consequenses get more severe.

In this moment, I have 2 choices.

1. Get help ASAP!! If  I can't do it alone then find someone I trust who will go at this journey with me. 
2. Ignore it. Initially this is what happens anyway..but if I let it simmer long enough...HUGE consequences will erupt for me those closest.

So my goal is clear today. Get. Better. It's time I take an honest look at myself & be willing to reach out & recieve help. Hopefully, I'll better very soon.                   

Quick photo updates

Anthony has graduated HS!

My nephews are cuter than ever!!!

Love my lil brother ;)

Donovan & I at Celebrate Freedom!

Us Kids!

My best buddy!

Turning to the next page

 As I think back about my childhood, I know I could probably document almost every memory with a video camera somewhere. Mom was always really good about recording the big and little moments as kids. If I were to put in a VHS tape today, I would mostly likely hear mom's voice saying, "this is a new (or different) chapter in our lives!" 

Us kids used to tease her about saying that everytime. It ironic though, because today....that's what keeps coming to my mind. It's a new chapter in my life. 

My life is a book. The words, actions,

thoughts, possibilites...& dreams are my story. 

Am I embracing the next few pages or

 am I dreading them/fearing what MIGHT happen? 

I was looking up scriptures that say "don't fear" and found

Isaiah 8:11-12; it says, "God spoke strongly to me,

grabbed me with both hands and warned me

not to go along with this people. He said:

   "Don't be like this people,
   always afraid somebody is plotting against them.
Don't fear what they fear.
   Don't take on their worries."

I've turned many "pages" in my life. I've experienced

things I never thought I would (the loss of childhood securities), could (love at 1st sight), or even should (forsaken by that once said "lasting love").

But I survived it....NOT because of ME. God gets the complete spotlight! God carried me completely. How I not trust Him since i'm asking Him to be the author & editor of my life...my book.

So with courage, I obey God's words to STOP worrying, trust that He won't ever disappoint me, and know that the ups and downs of a book are what make it exciting!

SOS!

Do you ever find yourself sounding like "Grumpy?" Being one of the 7 dwarfs from the sweet Disney animation "Snow White", Grumpy had a tendency to always see the glass bone dry rather than half empty. Ms. Grumpy, if you will, tends to show up when the pressure of life is put on me. Here's my list this week:

• Alegebra homework
• Final due today
• English paper
• 5 papers in on essay please
• Finals back to back
• Refuge (youth night) Wed.
• snacks
• games
• lesson
• assignments
• songs for wed night
• Thursday celebrate recovery
• get songs
• Practice new song and sundays songs
• Get ready for Easter Sunday
• Youth booth
• free gifts
• advertising?
• Easter lilies
• oh, yeah and sleep--if you can.

Told ya Ms. Grumpy shows up. I'm not mad...just slighty overwhelmed.


To say that I was sluggish coming into work this morning would be huge understatement. My eyes would not obey my commands to stay open. I hadn't been at my desk long when some of the guys came over.We started our morning conversation.
Somehow, we got to talking about America's Funniest home vidieos. After sharing story after story of videos we've seen, I was laughing so hard that I had to stop catch my breath! :D

Isn't it amazing how laughter can make you feel?! 

At one point, I stopped and thanked God for bringing fresh laughter into my life.

Yes, I'm still exhausted, but my outlook on today is brighter.

My advice=go to youtube.com and search America's funniest home videos. Take a few minutes to impact your whole day. Trust me, you won't regret it!

    

What if...

• What if the chicken didn't cross the road?
• If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
• If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• What if my child eats dog food?
1. hey it was a real question...i turned out ok...mostly :-P
• What if life is...PRE-school for people and their eternities?
• If everyone was listening....what would you say?
• What if there were an actual money tree?
• If I tred harder & did more, will God love me more?
• What if I were selfless rather than selfish?
• What if.....what if.......what....if....??

Life is full of random, simple, deep, important questions like these. (3# being my Favorite)


STOP. Take the time to think. About what? Your life.Your Dreams, do you have any? From personal experience, it's easy to forget how to dream; especially when the bustle of life drowns out the breath of fresh air. When the simple things become complicated, truth becomes deluted.
Time has to be forced to pause!


FORCE yourself to remember past dreams, examine present desires, and hope for future ones. Allow yourself to be lost in a Disney colored adventure. Cotten candy clouds, cinderella romance, & "supercalafragalisticexpialidocious" days...yes, aaahhh the bliss....the happy ever aft.....


*SMACK* There's that ugly thing they call reality. The baby needs a new diper, the kids are late for school, you forgot to do the laundry last night & now his shirt is STILL got that syripy stain on it. Your trying to tell your husband about your day but he's in his "nothing box", your family is upset again because your boyfriends house for Thanksgiving of theirs, & your friend would love to have that kind'of issue to deal with since 25 & holding....(and yes STILL single)...has somehow jumped to 29 and depressed.


How can to dreams & reality co-exist?!?! What if they could?


From one sister to another,....*in wisper tones*....uummm why do you think I called it "What if..still figuring it out myself :)


I'm not an expert....aaannnd I'm pretty sure I never will be, but a few secrets I've learned I'd like to expose.

1. Don't be afraid of the "what if's"...fear will stop you dead in your tracks & keep your gridlocked
2. Start with baby dreams--like getting 8 hours of sleep in ONE night (I hear the amens. LOL), then move one to slightly bigger ones
3. Be grateful EACH step of the way. You're probably going stumble, grumble, & cry along the way, BUT that's all the more reason to CELEBRATE the small victories! Get your party hats on girls!
4. Saying that, find you an accountability partner. You MUST have that type of communication & openness to keep you inline & ontrack & encouraged...give it back too! They're are priceless gifts.
5. Don't ever loose hope!
1. It's been said that humans can live about 3 weeks w/out food, about 4 days w/out water, 3-4 minutes w/out air, but you can't live ONE SECOND w/o HOPE.

These are a few simple things that have helped me on my journey. Take time to laugh & be with the people you love & that love YOU!


+ if you have any tips please feel free to fill me in! We need each other!